He said he would help me, but... I do not know if he can. He himself said that he didn't know of any way to make me who I used to be.

I don't know why I trust him. I probably shouldn't. But it feels like I trusted him before I even met him.

Sunset. My first name.

But what is my last name? Why is that my name? Who am I?

( 'Sunset. It's your /name/.' [Julien] )

( 'Get. Inside.' [Dirk] )

( 'Goodbye. Tammy.' [Dirk] )

( 'Please stop your cowering. I am certainly not going to hurt you.' [Julien] )

A twenty nine year old pedestrian was struck by a speeding car this morning, after the driver attempted to run a red light. While paramedics were called and rushed to the scene, they were not able to save the woman, or her unborn child...

The rest of this entry will be things such as excerpts from Sunset's will, saying what characters in the game got what, along with letters to each of them. Knowing that death has to happen to everyone, she rewrote letters to all of her friends and family every few weeks in case something like this happened. While these are not every letter she wrote, they are the letters for active characters currently on the game.

The first two scenes are backdated by about a week.

Home. I am home.

do I have the right to even call it my home anymore? Eight years of living in the same state, and never once did I visit. Nearly a year of being myself before I forced myself to return. Is it really my home anymore?

Whether or not it is, it seems like The City by the Bay has forgotten me. Local legend. I have managed to become a local legend. Hopefully, I pray, it will stay local. Though, considering I was not recognized... Perhaps not as much of a legend as most people would think.

Home again, home again... I do not believe home should make me this nauseous.

Again and again, I am grateful for bringing Julien. He does not lie to try and comfort me. His truth, is perhaps, the biggest comfort of them all.


A daughter. A /grand/daughter. So much to catch up on... Years. Decades. I do not know how long I will have to stay. But now that I'm here, I find myself not wanting to leave.

Though, there is still a slight gloom over the happiness of this all. My daughter does not think me insane, she believes me, she would have me back. She would have me in Elizabeth's - Lizzie's -  life.

Yet at the same time, where is Matthew? My son. My firstborn. Was it my fault that you strayed so far from what I taught you in those early years, because I was not around to keep teaching you? Or was it your own stubbornness, that you inherited from both your father and myself, that caused you to keep from listening to Rose?

Do you have any children of your own? Are you married? Do I have even more grand children and perhaps a daughter in law as well?

Are you a mutant like your sister? An omni-linguist as well, or something else?

Questions. So many questions. Too many questions. I should ignore them, for now. Julia would have no answers for me, and she would not know where to find him so I can ask him myself. I feel that he would not believe me as his mother, anyway.

For now, I will forget it all. Focus on what I do have instead of what I have lost. A daughter that has grown to make me proud, a beautiful granddaughter with much potential.

And even more family waiting for me back in New York.


I missed him. Not all that odd, really, considering I missed everyone. But I perhaps missed him more than everyone else.

My words to Julien less than a week ago still ring true. I am unfamiliar with this concept of going slow, and I always will be. And the reason I missed Warren is not near as chaste as it once was, if it ever was.

I have a few more reasons to add to the list of why I cannot wait for this pregnancy to be over...

And he continues to amaze me with his ability to accept near anything, and not be bothered by any it. Julia, Lizzie... The fact that Julia is older than he is.

I'm sure that somewhere in the world, that is illegal.

I am perhaps weak. I broke down and invited Julien along. But I think he was the right choice. He has a knack, powers or not, for calming me when I'm nervous, and distracting me from worries.

I do believe he is the closest I have to a best friend...

San Francisco, whose streets were my home for a good part of my life. And here I am, back on them. I want to return to everywhere. The abandoned building I lived in with a group of people. Where I lived while selling myself. Where I met Rose.

No. The first place I should go is the library, I suppose. Look up old newspaper articles. See what all happened after my death, if anything important did.

And after that, I suppose... I suppose I shall decide when the time comes.

This is just....

Even though some days it seems I know Oz better than he knows himself, he still manages to surprise me. I figured he would become attached to Sabrielle quickly, but I never imagined /this/ attached.

I wonder if they are rushing, and then I laugh at the irony of myself wondering that.

I wonder if perhaps this will all work out in the end.

I hope it does not crash and burn.


I am going back. Home.

I am nervous about it. No, not nervous. Scared. Terrified. Terrified of what I'll find, of seeing all of the places that haunt me.

Or am I the one that haunts those places?

I do not want to go alone. But I am not weak enough to beg Warren to come with me. I could easily ask anyone else. Oz, Sabrielle, perhaps even Julien. Angelika, when I arrive.

I do not want to do this alone. Yet I feel I have to.

I have to do all of this. I only hope, I only pray, that it is nothing. A false alarm.

What am I scared of? Finding that Julia Matthew Rose everyone they are gone? Or finding that they are still around, and having to face them?

I wish I knew.

Damn it. Damn it. I hate places like that. I hate that Jackson's there.

I hate that he's pulling away from me again. Maybe it was because Warren was there. Maybe he's not trusting me anymore. I don't know.

I guess I'll find out when I go see him again alone.

I don't want him there. I don't want him there, at all.

I wonder if there is any way that...

I'll have to ask Warren. I won't be able to do it on my own.


No one delights more in vengeance than a woman.

I cannot remember who said that. Right now, it is not important.

Oz is in the hospital. Missing a spleen, with pints of borrowed blood in his body. Lucky to be alive.

Zachery. By nightfall tomorrow, he'll be lucky if he has the mentality to remember how to speak.


I think it's safe to say our friendship is over. I also think it's safe to say that I can't bring myself to care.

He's someone else's problem now.

It seems that every relationship around me is quickly going to pot. I remember, Rose once told me that relationships are like flowers. They have seasons. All of them die, in one way or another, but then there is always another relationship ready to grow.

Sometimes, I believe she is right. Bridget and Oz's relationship is ruined, no doubt about it, but I think there is more to Oz and Sabrielle than just a fling. But this...

I can understand why Jackson did it. Distancing himself. Trying to make it to where it would hurt less for Rene whenever he...

He must be wanting to do it soon.

I am wondering if maybe I should stay at Rene's for a few days. To make sure he's okay. Or at least, to take care of him and help him towards okay, if such a thing is possible.



Oh, Jackson. Some days, I just don't know what to...

I think, when he is let out, if he is still a minor, I will try and fight for him to come stay with me. If one visit was enough to maybe make him believe that -

I can only imagine what him living with me would do. If he would want to, at least. I would not force him to, if he did not want it.



I did not break my promise. He guessed. I did not tell him.

For me, that technicality is important. With that, Jackson will not be disappointed in me. He will not be angry with me. However, for bringing Warren with me today, I cannot decide how he would feel about that.

Hopefully, once he sees that Warren is not unhappy with him, he will forgive me.

On another note, Cole still does not trust me. If I had known that little joke would lead to this, I would have never suggested it.

I told him. I still cannot believe that...

Becoming a junkie.
Becoming a prostitute.
Killing my husband.
Killing myself.
Everything after.
Everything before.

He believed me. Not only believed me. Didn't judge me for any of it. Accepted it. Unbothered by it.

I cannot tell if it is just that easy to accept, or if he is just really that good of a man.


Interesting. For some reason, this is the first word that comes to mind with this... Others are stupid, idiotic, and goddamnitOz.

Why is it that the word interesting comes to mind first? My brother is cheating on Bridget, the woman he loves - loved? Would you cheat on someone you love? - with my student. For some reason, interesting is the only way I can view it.

I'm not going to tell Bridget. It's not my place. I know Oz will tell her as soon as he sees her.

Goddamn it, Oz.

Sometimes I think about sticking around with Jackson for a bit longer, even after all of this is over, and we go back to New York. If he's still around by then. If only for, when he does, for me to be the one to find him. No matter if he does it peacefully, with pills or something, it wouldn't be good for Rene if he found him... As much as I want Jax to stop hurting, I want Rene to hurt as little as possible as well...

Oz called. He found Sabrielle and took her with him to Pennsylvania. He sounded odd about something... Something's off. I just can't tell what.

I should probably call Sabrielle soon, to check up on her. I trust Oz with her, but that doesn't keep me from worrying, after all.

Oz dropped me off at Warren's country house last night. If I don't watch the news or think about it too much, I can pretend I'm here on vacation. Oz went back to the City, to get some things. His guitar, pictures, some stuff from the baby's nursery... Just things that are important. Irreplaceable.

I hope that where ever he is, he'll be safe. But I feel I should be focusing my worries more close to home...

I'm not going to stop him. I can tell that living like this, it's not - It's not good for him. And if doing this will help him find peace, then... I'm not going to stop him. I will be an open ear for him. Open arms. I'll help him when the time comes. Help him make it better for everyone else.

I can't help but feel that everyone else will hate me when this comes out. If it does. That I know. That I knew and didn't try and talk him out of it.

But it's his decision. It's his life. It's his death.

Who am I to force him to change his mind?

When good things happen, there always has to be one bad thing to balance it out. Such is life, I'm thinking. Her way of telling us that things are not always happy, not always nice.

Sadly, it is easy to forget when things are going well. Were going well, I should say. Unfortunately, I had forgotten it, for a while. Foolish of me.

If for some reason, in all of this, I end up dying, I only have one regret, and that is not telling Warren the truth about myself.

But as for now, I need to focus on staying alive, and keeping my daughter alive. I know Oz will protect us from anything that might happen, but hopefully we'll be out of the city by then.

Hopefully. Though, where we'll go is up in the air...

Please, Goddess, let Emmett be getting out alright. The same for Rene, Zachery, Cole, Warren... Many others.

If anything, Angelika is not on that list. Silly girl for once had a good idea.

Perhaps we should have left with her after the attack on LA.

I still don't know if that was the right thing to do, to tell him. But it doesn't matter now. And it seemed like he believed me.

I hope he believed me. I want to help him, I just don't know if he wants help. If he'll even let me help him.

And if this is all fruitless... If he can't kick this, then what? Do I try and help him again, or give up, or just find another way to help him?

I don't know. I just don't know.

I wish Rose were here.

Please, Goddess, let this work. Don't let this have been in vain.



Zachery is, if anything, in denial. About quite a few things. But not being afraid of other people touching him? Even denial has it's limits, and he is indeed stretching them.

If anyone is touch phobic, it is him.



So... That was Cole.

She's a sweet kid. Almost too sweet. Definitely a bit naive, but considering the situation she was in, sweet and naive are two things she is lucky to be, whether she knows it or not.

I believe I'll help Warren in hurting her father, if the opportunity ever arises. I think I'll enjoy it, quite a bit.

I hope I'm around to see Warren's reaction when coel asks him her question.

Well... this birthday could have certainly been better...

I need to talk to Warren about the school maybe making something to help Lucien. Some kind of new cream. But right now, I just...

Since I know Hollow is on the job with that too, it just doesn't seem as important right now. Not with Julien.

Am I really going to do this? Tell him my past - my actual past - just to prove to him that things can easily be turned around? Just to prove to him that once you become a junkie whore, you don't have to stay one?

I can't believe I'm even thinking about it. If this gets out... My life could be ruined. Oz's life could be ruined. Even Angelika's life could be ruined, if this gets out.

If only... He reminds me so much of a younger me. He is young and hurting and doing everything he can to hide it, hating the situation he is in, and seeing no way out of it.

I had someone to help me. It's only fair... It can't be a simple coincidence... Why would I have met him if I weren't supposed to help him?

Proof. If he wants proof, I'll give it to him.

-Backdated to Monday.-



Age: 21 Weeks

I suppose I should start preparing for the worst months of the pregnancy ahead, considering they're already starting to happen. The legs pains are starting up from carrying around all the extra weight. I've been waking up too much in the middle of the night with leg cramps, lately. I need too look into tea ingredients that are safe for me to take for pain.

Oz says to take Advil or something of the sort, but there's something about modern medicine that I simply don't trust. I guess since I know it's because that less conventional methods work just as well... and aren't filled with chemicals.

The other things that are happening are easy enough to hide. The stretch marks forming, the veins on my legs becoming more visible... It's all easily hidden by clothing. It's certainly not like anyone is going to be seeing my legs, or anywhere else any time soon, after all.

Which I can admit, is a bit of a pity now that I know exactly what's under Warren's clothes. If anything, I'm nearly done with my second trimester. Hopefully these hormones will wane after that, and the voices telling me to jump him will go away.

Or at least go into another room.

That was... unsettling.

I don't think I'll be going out alone for a bit. Or even staying at home alone for a few days...

I really doubt anyone would want to /kill/ me for any of this, but...

Damn it, I need a hug.


Huh. I didn't expect Oz's first time meeting Warren to be that painless.

Then again, Oz has been surprising me a lot lately.

I'm glad Warren go that girl out of that situation. I've seen what happens when someone isn't rescued... Too many times, it seems like.

It was odd. He seemed really taken with the kid. I don't know if that's normal or not, but it was almost cute to see him acting like that.

His reaction to Zoe kicking was certainly amusing. It's hard to imagine that somebody's never been around a pregnant woman before, but I guess it does happen.

I wonder how he'd react to hearing her heartbeat or /seeing/ her move around. But I guess it's too early to be taking him to an ultrasound.

It's weird. Now that I've felt her kick, it seems like ti didn't take long for me to start feeling every move she's made. It's like she's started her own gymbaree class.

My birthday is on Wednesday. I wonder how that snuck up on me.

And here I thought that it would be a simple date...

But it seems like nothing in life can be simple.

But, at least Zoe is alright. If I had lost her... Warren is alright as well. And so is Julien, and Bridget. And Emmett... Emmett has to be okay. He is. I think I would... just know if he wasn't.

I think I'll suggest to Warren that our next date be something that involves staying inside. Like renting a movie.



Even though Emmett was being a brat... I still can't help but think he's right. I did fail at protecting him. Even though he wasn't injured, I shouldn't have brought him. It was no place for a kid, even without the attacks.

I want to go home. At home, I'll feel safe, and I'll have things to help me hopefully sleep without nightmares. Or, just help me sleep at all.

I wish I had someone to curl up with at home. I miss being just held.


That was... interesting. And fun.

I think it says something bad about me that I enjoy pissing off other people's parents. But then again, when their parents are that bigoted, it would be hard to not piss them off.

Warren confuses me, somewhat. I've never been in a relationship that moves slow. I'm not really sure what to think of it...

Then again, maybe he just doesn't want to kiss me.