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22 February 2010 @ 01:28 am
I... I don't even - I never thought -

I love him. So much. And I wish I had had the courage to tell him that before my... accident. But now I...

I want to believe so much that everything will go perfectly now. But previous relationships and experiences makes me doubt, and makes me nervous. I keep waiting for the other show to drop... for something to go wrong.

But i believe him when he says he isn't going to want me to leave. And now that I'm here, he'll have a hard time of it, anyway. I never want to leave... Whether it be him, this apartment, or his bed.

'I love you. That makes you special enough.' [Warren]Collapse )

'Don't do that to me again, right? I don't want to turn into Scott.' [Warren]Collapse )

'You're good for my rebellious streak, woman.' [Warren]Collapse )
20 February 2010 @ 06:23 pm
I should be happy. I should... And yet...

It's been so long. So long since I've been 'back', so long since Julien found me in that alleyway, with only a memory of being pushed down stairs. I've remembered everything, and wish I hadn't. I've come back to life, and wished I had stayed dead.

And yet, finally, I've found myself again. Losing Zoe still hurts, like I can't even explain, and losing Oz, just as bad. But, he's back as well.

I should be happy, but instead, I worry. I fear. Can we never eternally die? Are we simply destined to go through horrid deaths, then come back to find we've nearly lost, or have lost everything we care about? Are we destined to watch everything we love leave us behind, while we stay here, on this Earth that is quickly becoming a Hell?

Yes. I worry. I fear.

'Losin' Ozzie broke me, an' Andy helped me put me back together.' [Alessia]Collapse )
Tags: ,
24 April 2009 @ 10:08 pm
He said he would help me, but... I do not know if he can. He himself said that he didn't know of any way to make me who I used to be.

I don't know why I trust him. I probably shouldn't. But it feels like I trusted him before I even met him.

Sunset. My first name.

But what is my last name? Why is that my name? Who am I?

'Sunset. It's your /name/.' [Julien]Collapse )

'Get. Inside.' [Dirk]Collapse )

'Goodbye. Tammy.' [Dirk]Collapse )

'Please stop your cowering. I am certainly not going to hurt you.' [Julien]Collapse )
Tags: ,
Current Music: Across the Universe - Fiona Apple
A twenty nine year old pedestrian was struck by a speeding car this morning, after the driver attempted to run a red light. While paramedics were called and rushed to the scene, they were not able to save the woman, or her unborn child...

The rest of this entry will be things such as excerpts from Sunset's will, saying what characters in the game got what, along with letters to each of them. Knowing that death has to happen to everyone, she rewrote letters to all of her friends and family every few weeks in case something like this happened. While these are not every letter she wrote, they are the letters for active characters currently on the game.

Current Music: Let It Be - The Beatles
16 April 2008 @ 10:21 am
The first two scenes are backdated by about a week.

Home. I am home.

do I have the right to even call it my home anymore? Eight years of living in the same state, and never once did I visit. Nearly a year of being myself before I forced myself to return. Is it really my home anymore?

Whether or not it is, it seems like The City by the Bay has forgotten me. Local legend. I have managed to become a local legend. Hopefully, I pray, it will stay local. Though, considering I was not recognized... Perhaps not as much of a legend as most people would think.

Home again, home again... I do not believe home should make me this nauseous.

Again and again, I am grateful for bringing Julien. He does not lie to try and comfort me. His truth, is perhaps, the biggest comfort of them all.

A daughter. A /grand/daughter. So much to catch up on... Years. Decades. I do not know how long I will have to stay. But now that I'm here, I find myself not wanting to leave.

Though, there is still a slight gloom over the happiness of this all. My daughter does not think me insane, she believes me, she would have me back. She would have me in Elizabeth's - Lizzie's -  life.

Yet at the same time, where is Matthew? My son. My firstborn. Was it my fault that you strayed so far from what I taught you in those early years, because I was not around to keep teaching you? Or was it your own stubbornness, that you inherited from both your father and myself, that caused you to keep from listening to Rose?

Do you have any children of your own? Are you married? Do I have even more grand children and perhaps a daughter in law as well?

Are you a mutant like your sister? An omni-linguist as well, or something else?

Questions. So many questions. Too many questions. I should ignore them, for now. Julia would have no answers for me, and she would not know where to find him so I can ask him myself. I feel that he would not believe me as his mother, anyway.

For now, I will forget it all. Focus on what I do have instead of what I have lost. A daughter that has grown to make me proud, a beautiful granddaughter with much potential.

And even more family waiting for me back in New York.

I missed him. Not all that odd, really, considering I missed everyone. But I perhaps missed him more than everyone else.

My words to Julien less than a week ago still ring true. I am unfamiliar with this concept of going slow, and I always will be. And the reason I missed Warren is not near as chaste as it once was, if it ever was.

I have a few more reasons to add to the list of why I cannot wait for this pregnancy to be over...

And he continues to amaze me with his ability to accept near anything, and not be bothered by any it. Julia, Lizzie... The fact that Julia is older than he is.

I'm sure that somewhere in the world, that is illegal.

Current Location: San Francisco/Home
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
09 April 2008 @ 12:40 pm
I am perhaps weak. I broke down and invited Julien along. But I think he was the right choice. He has a knack, powers or not, for calming me when I'm nervous, and distracting me from worries.

I do believe he is the closest I have to a best friend...

San Francisco, whose streets were my home for a good part of my life. And here I am, back on them. I want to return to everywhere. The abandoned building I lived in with a group of people. Where I lived while selling myself. Where I met Rose.

No. The first place I should go is the library, I suppose. Look up old newspaper articles. See what all happened after my death, if anything important did.

And after that, I suppose... I suppose I shall decide when the time comes.

Current Location: San Francisco
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Dear Prudence - Across the Universe
07 April 2008 @ 08:36 am
This is just....

Even though some days it seems I know Oz better than he knows himself, he still manages to surprise me. I figured he would become attached to Sabrielle quickly, but I never imagined /this/ attached.

I wonder if they are rushing, and then I laugh at the irony of myself wondering that.

I wonder if perhaps this will all work out in the end.

I hope it does not crash and burn.

I am going back. Home.

I am nervous about it. No, not nervous. Scared. Terrified. Terrified of what I'll find, of seeing all of the places that haunt me.

Or am I the one that haunts those places?

I do not want to go alone. But I am not weak enough to beg Warren to come with me. I could easily ask anyone else. Oz, Sabrielle, perhaps even Julien. Angelika, when I arrive.

I do not want to do this alone. Yet I feel I have to.

I have to do all of this. I only hope, I only pray, that it is nothing. A false alarm.

What am I scared of? Finding that Julia Matthew Rose everyone they are gone? Or finding that they are still around, and having to face them?

I wish I knew.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: scaredscared
Current Music: Memories - Within Temptation